Beautiful photo of the Grossmünster in Zürich on a fall afternoon except for the out-of-shot guy to my left who was masturbating.
See that photo there to the right? Great photo, right? That’s the GrossmünsterChurch in Zürich overlooking a canal from Lake Zürich. This is a favorite spot of mine in the city – nice, peaceful and great for people watching (see all the tourists on the bridge?). What you don’t see in that photo is the man standing about 5 feet to my left masturbating.
The sexual harassment incident
I spent yesterday in Zürich on business with meetings scheduled throughout the day. After a late lunch, I had some free time until my next appointment.
It was such a lovely fall day with just a touch of chill in the air – my favorite days. I was walking about the city, and I wanted to capture the day in a photo for my Instagram. I thought the Grossmünster would be the perfect iconic shot.
I crossed the bridge and positioned myself in the crook of a wall and a statue. There were lots of tourists around, stopping and snapping photos.
Again, I’m a pretty oblivious traveler, so I wasn’t paying much attention to the people around me as I was positioning my shot. I was waiting for my phone to work, trying to capture the best angle. I was probably standing there for about 10 minutes before I noticed a white man in a black hoodie about 5 feet to my left. What caught my attention about him was he was angling his body toward me and looking back over his shoulder at me.
As I looked down at my phone, I took a peek out of the corner of my eye to see his penis was fully out of his pants and he was fondling himself.
He had taken a position up against the wall so he was directing his activity toward me where no one else could see it. I got pissed.
It was obvious he was wanting me to react; he wanted me to acknowledge him. I continued looking down at my phone, but I began discreetly looking around for a police officer. My first thought was if there was a cop, I would scream and make a scene, hoping he would be caught in the act. No such luck as there were no officers in sight.
My second thought was I should just go ahead and scream. Embarrass him, make him run off, but I knew he wanted some kind of reaction like that. With only tourists around, I didn’t think anyone would be in the position to do anything about the situation.
Finally, I decided to ignore it, and this is where I get pissed at myself. Now with 24 hours passed, I keep thinking I should have done more. I had an umbrella in my bag with an expandable handle. Why didn’t I take it out and beat the sick bastard with it? The wall he was up against was a half wall that keeps you from falling into the canal. If I had been quick enough, I could have rushed him and pushed him over it into the water. At the very least, why didn’t I make some witty comeback?
After a couple of minutes more as I continued to battle with myself about what to do, he took a step toward me. At this time, I was still doing a pretty good job of acting completely engrossed in my phone. I never looked up at him or made eye contact. I decided to get away. I acted as if I had finished whatever I was doing on my phone, spun away from him and walked off down the street.
As I passed by him, I heard him make an exasperated sigh. The only upperhand I felt in the situation was that I did the exact opposite of what he wanted. He wanted acknowledgement, and as far as he knew, he was Mr. Invisible to me.
I got halfway down the street before I turned to see if he was still there. He, of course, was nowhere to be seen. As luck would have it, I then saw two police officers further down the street. I thought about reporting the incident, but what good could I do? I had never even looked at his face, and the only description I could give was a white man in a black hoodie. I passed the officers and kept walking to my next appointment. Another empowerment opportunity missed.
The reality of women’s travel rights
I’m writing this post pissed off and just a few hours before I’m releasing it. Probably not one of my best decisions. I’ve tried to talk myself out of it; I even had another post scheduled for today.
This is not a “I hate men” or “All men suck” post, and I’m completely against the trivialization of women sexually harassing men. (This is also not meant to be a series of “Why travel sucks” as last week’s post was about travel scams.) The reality, though, is women face a whole set of dangers in travel men do not even have to consider.
A perspective of where the incident happened.
If I pose the question to our worktrotters how many times something like this has happened to them, I’m sure the women with these experiences will far outweigh the men. (Please share your thoughts in the comments.)
It’s not fair, it sucks, but it’s the reality we face.
So, what are my rights as a woman traveler?
My right: I have the right to walk around a city without fear of some jerk jacking off on or near me.
My reality: Even in just the 24 hours since the incident, I’m watching any man that gets in a 10-foot radius of me and especially where his hands are.
My right: I have the right to wear whatever I want without fear of bringing unwanted attention.
My reality: I have to carefully consider my outfit, ensuring it’s not too revealing to bring leering looks or catcalls on the streets. Apparently anything I wear can bring unwanted harassment as I was in a conservative business outfit yesterday.
My right: I have the right to chat nicely with a local I meet.
My reality: Shortly after the incident, a local man tried to strike up a conversation with me on the street. I was borderline rude to him as all I could think about was if he was trying something underhanded, like possibly flashing me.
What can you do to support women’s travel rights?
Though this was my first experience with public exposure, it’s unfortunately not my first experience with sexual harassment, and I’m afraid it won’t be my last. I know the reality I live in, I know I have to be aware and responsible for my own safety. With that said, though, we can all support women’s travel rights through action.
1. Speak up
Share your experiences. There are several social media campaigns and more online to address the situation. Help others know what to be aware of and shame those that do these despicable acts.
2. Don’t blame the victim
Women don’t invite harassment by wearing short skirts or being alone. The responsibility lies at the feet of the harasser. Place blame where it’s due.
3. Don’t condone the behavior
If your friend is committing a sexual harassment act, tell him to stop. It’s not OK, it’s not funny. Stand up to the harassment. If it happens to you, don’t laugh about it, don’t shrug it off. Face it, see it for what it is, and call it out.
4. Report it
Finally, and something I wish I would have done yesterday, report the harassment. Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to give a viable description of Mr. Invisible, but at least the police would have known there was someone in the city doing this. I’m sure I’m not the only woman this bastard has done this to, and maybe my report could help establish a pattern.
What travel rights do you have?
For the past 24 hours, I’ve been racking my brain of what I should have done, what I could have done. Got an opinion? Let me know.
I would also love to hear your stories. What travel rights do you hold dear? Have they been violated?
I was enjoying the lovely view of the Westerkerk Protestant Church in Amsterdam until a would-be thief tried to snatch my bag. Travel scams are potential trip killers.
There I was, sitting in a nice outdoor cafe in Amsterdam this past weekend. The weather was just right to enjoy a cappuccino in the afternoon sunlight with a crisp breeze bringing the promise of a late fall.
The chairs were placed behind the tables so I could look out as people passed by on the bustling street with the backdrop of the towering Westerkerk steeple. As I waited for my friend, I decided to pull out the latest issue of my PRSA Tactics newspaper and do some reading.
My travel bookbag was unzipped but flipped over and resting on the ground by my legs. As I read about Lebron James’ much better return to Cleveland than his departure a few years before, a man came and sat at the table next to mine, two chairs down. I paid him no attention and continued to read.
My line of sight as I was reading was downward and right. I could see my bag in my peripheral vision. I noticed the man began to reach his left hand down. I assumed he had dropped something or was scratching his leg, again not paying him much attention. As the waitress came by to take his order in Dutch, this is when I began to suspect something wasn’t quite right. First, he shot up from his downward lounge like he was caught and he rushed through his order.
I continued to keep my eyes on the newspaper, though I was no longer reading but watching him out of the corner of my eye. Again, he began to slouch to his left. I realized then he was going for my bag. I hesitated just a moment longer, making sure his hand was touching my bag.
I slammed my paper closed and loudly smacked it on the table. He, of course, was surprised and jerked back as if I had hit him with a bolt of electricity. I snatched my bag up quickly and gave him the meanest look I could muster. The one that I like to think can stop would-be thieves in their tracks, turn people into frozen statues that I would only have to tap to shatter into a million pieces.
He looked back, clearly caught in the act, and quickly got up and walked away. About 100 meters down the street, he turned to look back. I suppose he was waiting to see if I was going to chase him or yell for the nearest police officer. I just continued to give him the mean eye.
I suppose I could have made a bigger ruckus. Screamed what a lousy purse snatcher he made – I could see my bag the entire time. Threw my hot cappuccino in his face maybe. I’m not one for the hassle of undue drama, though, so I felt satisfied with the results of protecting my belongings. I made sure, however, to keep my bag under my feet and zipped for the rest of the trip.
Travel scams suck
I’m not the most vigilant traveler. Really, I’m just plain oblivious to much that is going on around me, daydreaming in my own little world. I have gotten better about this in recent years, taking more heed of my father’s many warnings from family trips of long ago and learning new tricks from Chris.
I’m extremely lucky more hasn’t happened to me than one successful and one recovered pickpocketing experience. There have been plenty of encountered attempts, though, and I hope my experiences from cities all over the world will help you avoid these potential trip killers.
Paris – Don’t sign the petitions
At my first trip to the Eiffel Tower, I was approached by no less than four young girls of Eastern European descent. They listen for those speaking English. They have a clipboard in hand with pen, and they tell you they are with some world-saving organization (Save the Whales, Feed the Children, Protect the Rainforest, etc.), and will you please sign this petition to help their cause?
What it really is
As you take pity for the hungry pandas or sick puppies and begin to sign, one of the girls has moved behind you. She will then pickpocket you, taking whatever she can discreetly out of your backpack or pockets. The petition is a distraction for the theft.
What to do
Say no and keep walking. Whatever you do, don’t stop. They will sometimes, not typically though, reach out and grab your arm to halt you. Shake them off and keep going. Don’t become violent with them. Wave your hand aggressively saying no and keeping walking.
Kids in the Fes Medina perform stunts for money, demanding more than you originally give. Just keep moving.
Fes – Don’t watch the show
As we walked through the dizzying and narrow alleyways of the ancient Medina in Fes, Morocco, we constantly encountered children doing some acrobatic stunt. After their performances, they would then stick out their hands for some form of payment.
What it really is
Though not so devious, after the child has performed a flip or spider walked up a wall, he wants you to give him a tip. The problem is, when you give him dirham or two ($1 USD = about 9 Moroccan dirhams), he’ll demand more, sometimes up to 10 dirhams.
What to do
If at all possible, try to avoid the stunt. With the tight walls, though, that can be prove difficult. If you can’t avoid the stunt, pay the child whatever you feel reasonable and keep walking. Even after he tries to block your way and demands more money, push through and keep walking. He won’t follow you, instead focusing on the next tourist.
Istanbul – Don’t cave to high pressure sales techniques
If you enter any shop stall in Istanbul, you’re likely to be taken to the owner’s “cousin” who runs a nearby rug shop with the “finest handmade rugs in the country.” You’ll be sat in a showroom and offered Turkish tea and treats. Young men who work for the “cousin” will bring out hundreds of carpets and roll them out for your viewing pleasure. The owner will point out the finest intricacies of the threadwork, even show you how is “aunt” is sitting at the loom making these very rugs by hand.
When you find one you like, the negotiations will begin. The owner will show you a calculator with a steep price (he’ll never say the price out loud), and you will be expected to negotiate to a reasonable price. As negotiations go on, he will tell you all the woes of his family. How he needs to make this sell, how you’ll never come back later, and you’ll never find a better price. This is high-pressure sales techniques at their best (or worst).
What it really is
This is the least of the scams because it’s actually true and just part of the culture. Many families own a series of businesses in the Turkish Bazaar and will take you to the other shops. It’s also a a cultural expectation to accept the tea, watch the show of rugs, and haggle. You can be deemed rude if you don’t participate.
What to do
Embrace these sales techniques as part of the culture. Enjoy it for what’s it’s worth, but do set your limit. Don’t go over that limit, and if the seller isn’t willing to meet you, walk. They will typically chase you and meet your limit or add something to the mix. Don’t let the high pressure or appeal to the guilty conscious affect your decision. If you decide you don’t want to purchase anything, then thank the merchant for the tea and hospitality and leave. Don’t turn back.
Don’t get caught in a tea house scam with the nice couple in Shanghai. Look for a reputable company that can take you to an authentic tea house.
Shanghai – Don’t be escorted to the tea houses
Chinese people can be some of the nicest people you meet, but beware the tag team photo takers. Two young girls or a young couple will ask you if you can take their photo in front of some touristy attraction. After you do so, they will strike up a conversation with you. Where are you from? What are you doing in China? Do you like it so far? Here’s the telltale questions to be on the lookout for: Can we practice our English with you?
These couples pretend they have learned English and they just want to practice. Sure, you says. They seem like some nice people. Great! They know just the place to go so you can talk. There is a nice tea house where you can get traditional Chinese tea and chat.
What it really is
Once you arrive at the tea house, which is down a confusing path of back alleys, the couple will order a series of tea to enjoy while you talk. When it’s time to go, the owner will bring the bill and the couple will tell you it’s customary in China that the guest pays or they don’t have any cash. Can you pay the bill and they will pay you back later? The bill is exorbitant. If you refuse to pay, the owner will threaten to call the police.
The truth is, these people are actors hired by the tea house to bring unsuspecting tourists like you in. They are getting paid a portion of your bill. Most likely, the owner isn’t going to call the police because most of the officers know the scam and know the establishments that run it. In China, though, you can never be sure if the police are in on the scam.
What to do
If you are approached by the likes of such “nice folks,” refuse to go with them. Be polite, take the photo, and move along. If you think they may be genuine, then go to a touristy place, like Starbucks, to “practice English.” Never go to the tea house they suggest. There are too many legit tours that you can take to encounter an authentic tea ceremony.
If you do find yourself in a sketchy tea house in this situation, then only pay the portion of the bill that is yours. You’ll still be screwed since your teas will be much higher than what’s reasonable. Hand the money that you owe for what you consumed to the waiter and leave. Do your best to get back to a touristy area and out of the back alleys.
Barcelona – Don’t leave anything on the table
You’re sitting at a lively plaza in Barcelona, sipping a café con leche and people watching. You have your mobile phone or camera on the table, taking photos and uploading to Instagram. Suddenly, you’re approached by a young sister and brother asking for money or girls like in Paris with a petition. They’ll put their hat or clipboard on the table, asking for you to give or sign.
When you refuse, they slide their belongings back and go about their way. You continue to people watch, reaching for your camera for a great shot of an old man and woman making their way across the plaza. It’s gone.
What it really is
Anytime you leave something of value out in plain sight, even when it’s at your fingertips, you become a target. The hat or petition or anything else that could be used to cover up the valuables are a disguise to slip your valuables off the table without you noticing. When the culprits pull their belonging back, they are also taking your belongings with them.
What to do
Don’t leave anything on the table. Keep your camera or mobile phone or whatever else in your lap or in your hands. If you do have something on the table, if anyone approaches you, put your hand on it immediately. This prevents a slight of hand taking your stuff.
Too many beachfront restaurants in Rio de Janeiro have two menus – one with fair prices and one with the tricky high prices. Hold on to your menu until the bill arrives.
Rio de Janeiro – Hold onto the menu
It’s a great day on the beach, and there are tons of beachfront restaurants offering tables and chairs in the sand. You can sit and eat as you watch the waves roll in. After you look at the menu, make a selection that fits your budget, you place your order and hand the menu back to the waiter.
After a lovely lunch and some relaxing, you’re ready to hit the waves again. You ask for the bill, and when it arrives, the prices are three times what you saw on the menu.
What it really is
You’ve received the tourist price. You’ll ask to see the menu again, and another version of the menu with higher prices will be brought. The original menu you saw with the much lower prices is nowhere to be found. If you refuse to pay the higher prices, the waiter will threaten to call the police. This happens all over Brazil, and the police are many times in on the travel scams.
What to do
Keep your menu. Even after you’ve ordered and the waiter asks for it back, tell him you want to keep it. If he is really aggressive about getting the menu back, then it’s a sign this is a two-menu establishment. Leave. If nothing else, take a photo on your phone of the menu you order from.
Chris and I walked out of such a restaurant in Recife after we picked up a menu on a table where locals had been dining, and the waiter ran over to snatch the menu from us and handed us another one.
Mumbai – Watch the taxi driver
When Chris went to India in 2011, he was warned about the taxi drivers. Many would claim their meters were broken but they could negotiate a price. When giving money to pay the amount, they would switch bills.
What it really is
The meter isn’t broken, and the driver knows he can negotiate a higher price to get you to your destination. You pay the fare with one denomination only to be given change for a lower amount. When you argue, the driver shows you the lower bill.
What to do
Refuse to enter a taxi until you see the meter is on. When you get in, demand the driver turn it on. If he gives you any excuse, don’t take the taxi.
If you do take a taxi with a meter that is sketchy, try to know beforehand how much your fare should be. Pay that amount to the driver and get out. Walk in the opposite direction of the traffic so he can’t follow you.
Watch the money exchange closely. Know what bill you give the driver, and be sure he gives you correct change. If he tries to switch the bill on you, be forceful and demand the correct amount. Most of the time, they will cave knowing they’ve been caught.
The plaza beneath the Duomo of Milan is crawling with men wanting to give you a “free” friendship gift. Don’t be duped into paying 10 euros for a piece of string.
Milan – Don’t accept the free gift
As you admire the Duomo of Milan, you will encounter several friendly African men in the plaza. They will ask you where you’re from, how are you, and before you know it, they will tie a thread bracelet, much like the friendship bracelets you made in middle school, around your wrist. The entire time, they are saying this is a free gift from their country (Nigeria, Zimbabwe, Kenya, etc.).
What it really is
As you try to disentangle yourself from the situation and the bracelet, they will begin to demand 10 euros as a good faith gift for the bracelet. They have also double knotted these bracelets so you can’t just take it off and return it like you would with the flower vendors in New York City. Though the will not try to physically restrain you from walking away, they will certainly verbally try to hold you.
What to do
Do your best to avoid these men. When they approach you, just say no firmly and keep moving. Don’t stop for them. When they reach for your wrist, pull back and say no. If they do put the bracelet on you, just tell them you’re not paying anything for it and keep moving. Try to get into a crowd away from them. If you feel compelled, then give them an euro but refuse anything more. These are literally strings they are trying around your wrist, nothing special. One other technique is to already have enough other bracelets on they can’t tie the string around.
Prague – Know what you buy
You’ve found the perfect souvenir in mint condition. You take it to the register and make your purchase with no hassle. When you return to your room after a day of exploring, you’re admiring your day’s finds when you notice the souvenir looks different than when you bought it in the store.
What it really is
Many times, merchandise on the floor is the premium products. When you go to the register, though, the merchant switches your item with a less-than-stellar or used piece.
What to do
Watch the merchant carefully. Make sure he’s putting the item you selected into your bag. If you can’t see behind the counter, when he hands you your bag, pull out the item and inspect it. If it’s in any way different that what you selected, demand the merchant to give you the item you purchased or get another off the floor, leaving the damaged one on the counter. Then walk out.
Bourbon Street is notorious for scam artists claiming to know impossible exact information about you. Just say no and keep walking.
New Orleans – Don’t play the guessing game
You are walking down Bourbon Street, admiring all the crazy sites to see. You’re approached by a man who swears to you he can guess your exact age, weight or some other impossible feat. He evens makes a $20 wager on this extraordinary talent of his.
You may think there is no way you can lose this bet. So you take it. He then makes some blindly obvious statement and demands payment.
What it really is
It’s a game that he can’t lose because the answer applies to anyone. The one I’ve witnessed goes like this:
Scam artist: I bet you $20 I can tell you exactly where you got those shoes. Unsuspecting tourist: Ok, where? Scam artist: You got those shoes on your feet on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, Louisiana, USA.
Technically, he’s done exactly what he said he would do, and he will physically and verbally demand payment.
What to do
Don’t play. If you’re approached by one of these scam artists, say no and keep walking. Don’t out their game, either, as you’ll bring their ire upon yourself.
What travel scams have you encountered?
These travel scams and more can ruin any trip. Though I’ve paired them with cities where we’ve seen them, they can happen anywhere. Be on the lookout and don’t become a victim.
What other travel scams have you experienced? How do you prevent falling victim to these tricks of the trade?
Over all the other chaotic noise, there was also Chinese-dubbed Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck playing throughout the car as we sped along at 308 km/hour.
Our first Chinese train ride experience was a G (fast train) to the northern beach town of Qingdao (a side note, we found the town disappointing. Billed as one of the cleanest beach towns in China, we found it to be dirty compared to European and American equivalents, and we never spotted the famous facekini. In fact, the only woman in a swimsuit over the three days we visited was still wearing jean shorts). The town was built largely by the Germans prior to World War I when the Japanese took over for their first of two stints.
During the ride there, we learned that most Chinese train passengers don’t feel a need to wear headphones while entertaining themselves. Our train car in a second class passenger seat was, therefore, like sitting down in a Best Buy showroom for five to six hours at 308 km/hour with a surrounding cacophonous of murderous Japanese schoolgirls screaming, stolid American Army generals yelling and tortured Spanish teens begging under an overhead repeat every two hours of a dubbed-Chinese Roman Holiday starring Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn.
We found our next ride, a first class ride on a similar train to Beijing, to be a bit more relaxing with plusher seats and a mostly quieter car. However, our Chinese National Holiday travels would soon introduce us to the full gamut of Chinese train riding experiences as many options sellout seconds after being introduced to hundreds of millions of Chinese travelers.
Catching a few zzz during train travel in China
Our next train ride was an overnight ride on what is known in China as a “soft sleeper.” This is basically equivalent to a first class sleeping car. Four beds are enclosed in each room with doors that shut and allow for privacy, assuming you know the other three people. Otherwise, it’s a bit like hostel accommodations. The beds were more comfortable, lent more space than Navy sailors are given, and serve their purpose for getting a night’s sleep en route to your next destination.
On another overnight train ride, we downgraded slightly to a “hard sleeper” or second class sleeping car. These cars have six beds to a room, offering less privacy and luggage storage capacity without a closing door. We had read horror stories of seemingly privileged middle to upper class Chinese travelers smoking at the end of your bed or sitting on your bed while you attempted to rest, but we did not experience any unpleasantness.
Beware the hard seats
During our hard seat, no letter 20+ train ride, this was the sight we were greeted to. If at all possible, try to avoid the hard seats!
Our final holiday train ride was one that we wished we could have avoided. With our holiday concluding and time for me to return to work, no sleeper cars were available for the final few days. Our agent told us that they sold out in 20 seconds or less. Therefore, we were forced to endure a “hard seat,” basically a second class seat on a lower tier train with no letter preceding the train number. This wasn’t the second class that we experienced en route to Qingdao on a G train. This was basically a bench draped with a blue cloth in rows of three people facing other rows of three people with a small table in between to heap your trash upon while enduring a slow meandering train for 20 hours on a crowded, sometimes cold, sometimes hot, car that apparently also sells standing-room only tickets. With the train car packed to capacity, a food cart still found its way through the aisle every ten minutes for most of the ride as standing-room passengers folded up their small chairs and compressed toward our benches. Our advice: do whatever you have to do to avoid “hard seats!”
The bathroom on the trains are generally a Turkish style hole found in a room at the upper corner of each car, which helps naturally fertilize the crops in passing farms as you travel. If you’ve just arrived in China and fear food indigestion, maybe flying is a better option.
Purchasing train travel in China
The Pingyao train station presented us with one of our worst shoving matches in a queue. Public transportation in China is always a overcrowded experience.
We often utilize DIYTravel, a travel agency of an Australian couple experienced in the Chinese transportation industry. For 10 Australian dollars, they can customize your trip and advise you based on the idiosyncrasies of Chinese transportation. For example, when we wanted to go from the small town of Pingyao to Xi’an, knowing that tickets would be very limited and sold out on that route, they advised us to purchase a sleeper ticket on to another city, a much easier ticket to procure for a few extra dollars. They also include Chinese translations to hand over to taxi drivers, ticket distributors and train conductors for each situation you will likely face. They also accept Paypal, allowing you to use your Western credit card. Don’t expect to use it often in China.
Whenever purchasing tickets, pay attention to the train number and particularly to the preceding letter. From our experiences, the G is best. As you downgrade, you may not have individual outlets, elbow room or air conditioning. However, having no individual outlets will at times lead to a quieter environment as your fellow passengers’ electronics will die sooner. Unfortunately, with extended battery life devices continuing to hit the market, that advantage will soon be eliminated, adding to the potential hell of a Chinese train ride.
Basic Guide to Train Numbers when Booking
C = intercity, very limited routes
D = over 200 km/hr, runs main routes
G = fast train, high quality, 308 km/hr along most sections of track
K = “fast train,” lower quality and not as fast as the G, 120 km/hr
L = temporary substitute train, no set schedule, subject to delays and availability
T = “express train,” usually only stopping in major cities, 120 km/hr
No letter = slower trains with many stops and crowds, if the first number is 5 or higher, it probably doesn’t have air conditioning
Several friends have told us detailed stories about traveling amongst pigs and other animals in Korea. On our most crowded train rides, we haven’t yet experienced anything close to this. What’s your “most interesting” travel experience?
Flowers are left at the scene of two explosions that occured during the Boston Marathon.
Two explosions ripped through the Boston Marathon Monday. I first learned about this tragedy as I was checking Facebook before I planned to go to bed. I saw an update on the news feed about the attack, and my stomach dropped. I started shouting for Chris, and we frantically began searching the web for any information. Minutes later, we were able to find live streaming video from NBC with Brian Williams. We stayed glued to it well past midnight here (6 p.m. EST).
Hitting too close to home
I don’t know why, but it seems tragedies like this hit me harder now than when I lived back home. Maybe it’s the feeling of helplessness being so far away. Maybe it’s not having other Americans close by to share in the sadness and sense of community. Maybe it’s the unanswerable questions I receive from non-Americans about why my country seems to be full of craziness. Whatever it is, it hurts.
Most of Monday night, I cried as I heard one story after another coming out of the crisis in Boston: a mother was hysterical as she was searching for her daughter at a local hospital; a runner couldn’t find his family who was waiting for him at the finish line; and one of the first photos showed blood and bandages strewn across Boylston Street.
Understanding the pain
We’re not robots, and no two people cope with tragedies in the same exact manner. There are the universal five stages of grief, but we even experience these at different times and show our emotions in varying ways.
While living abroad, we’ve dealt with two national crises and a few smaller emergencies back home. This is how we got through the difficult times.
1. Check in with friends and family
The silver lining of tragedies is they bring people together.
I have a few friends in Boston, so I immediately sent messages Monday evening to them to make sure they were alright. Thankfully, there were all ok. My family lives far from Boston, but I still wanted to talk them. Chris Skyped with his mom about what had taken place and how it was affecting people back home.
Being able to share thoughts and find comfort with those you trust and care for is a powerful balm.
2. Send support
When a crisis strikes and you’re thousands of miles away, you can still help.
With the advent of social media, people from across the globe are helping. From words of encouragement to sharing information, such as Google’s People Finder and the FBI’s request for photos or videos from the event, people are filling up social media platforms with support for Boston. People can also send also send contributions to reputable charities that are assisting in the aftermath of the explosions.
Though it may feel like you’re powerless being so far away, there are actions you can take to support the recovering efforts, which helps when it comes to dealing effectively with tragedy.
3. Find a healthy outlet
As people cope with tragedies differently, each person needs to find his own way of expressing feelings in a safe way.
While we were watching coverage of the explosions Monday evening, Chris put all his efforts into doing web searches and finding information. He focuses on tasks. I started writing this blog post and was on Skype ranting with my dad about the cowards who would hurt innocent people. I focus on words.
However you deal, find the way that allows you to release the most emotion without causing harm. We need to exert this energy before we can move on with the business of recovering.
4. Be safe
Sometimes national crises can have international repercussions.
I like to check the embassy or consulate website of where we currently are and the U.S. State Department website for any information on international effects when tragedy strikes. Our current location is also registered with the State Department, so we receive email alerts if anything in our region is a potential threat.
Being aware if a tragedy at home may be affecting you or your travel abroad can help prevent other emergencies.
As Chris and I watch the investigation unfold, our thoughts continue to be with the victims and all those affected by the Boston Marathon explosions. We hope swift justice comes to those responsible.
Petting a ferret with my favorite girl at a horse show in Augusta. She loves her animals!
With all the amazing experiences travel offers, there are things that can make traveling less than stellar – the paperwork you have to secure before you start your trip; getting used to strange and uncomfortable nuances in a new culture; figuring out public transportation schedules; encounters with less-than-savory places and individuals; and the list can go on. We try to keep a positive attitude throughout the valleys of traveling, but one particular hardship always gets me. Homesickness.
Christopher usually arrives at our new home a few weeks before me due to school and other commitments. This means I usually have some time to spend with my family before heading out. I get to play with my niece; take my nephews to the movies; get manis/pedis with my sister; talk to my brother-n-law about running a business; learn a new recipe with my stepmother; and argue about politics with my dad. I also get to spend some one-on-one time with my in-laws.
My beautiful sister and I after a day of girl treatments for a friend’s wedding.
By the time I depart for the airport, I’ve always decided this is it, this is the last trip. I’m going to miss my family too much, and I’m moving home as soon as possible.
Goodbyes feel like someone has reached down my throat and ripped my heart out. Then my dad always gives me the kick in the rear I need and reminds me what an amazing opportunity we’re living, and off I go through security. He’s, of course, always right, but it doesn’t make the tears stop flowing as TSA agents just shake their heads at me.
For me, homesickness is the worst part of traveling and living abroad. Even though the countries we’re living in are wonderful all on their own, I always miss the United States. After the first few nights of crying for home, you find ways to cope.
I don’t think I would have survived Brazil or my first few weeks in Switzerland without being able to see and talk with my family almost daily through teleconference. All social media platforms have been extremely helpful in keeping up with friends, family and news back home. I often wonder how my mother coped with living in Germany for four years in the 1980s only being able to call home once a week and sending letters through snail mail.
2. Join expatriate groups
Making friends can be difficult in a new place. As expatriates, you already have something in common, and these groups hold weekly meetups and other activities to help you make the most of your new home. A few we’ve joined and have found helpful are InterNations, International Newcomers Club in São Paulo and Couchsurfing.
My super amazing Zumba instructor, Stephanie Cirihal, in São Paulo. I met many new friends joining her class and got to do something I love in the process.
3. Get busy
Whenever we get to our new home, one of the first things I do is look up local Zumba classes. I really enjoy this dance exercise class, and it helps keep my mind off what I’m missing. Find an activity (preferably outside of the house) in your new place you enjoy. Get out and do it!
4. Find some perspective
When I’m feeling at my lowest, I consistently remind myself of what an awesome experience this is to have. I think about all the great memories we’re creating and the stories we will have to tell family and friends back home.
5. Share your new home
Writing this blog helps us let everyone know what we’re up to, what we’re seeing, and how we feel about the whole experience. By writing short stories, making photo montages, or whatever your creative outlet is, the more you share with others, the more you find to love about your new little piece of Earth.
What do you miss most about home when you’re traveling?
